It's New Year's. You know the drill. You’ve got a goal. You hit the ground running. But as the days accrue your efforts diminish.
Sound familiar?
Are you wondering, "How can this year be different?"
Resolutions often boil down to wanting to change something that disgusts you about yourself. I know that sounds harsh, but think about some common resolutions: get rid of extra weight, quit smoking, quit drinking, get out of debt, get in shape, get organized, spend more time with family, finish a project. You tell yourself that if you can accomplish ‘this thing’ that you will feel better about yourself. And you will, but not for the reasons you think.
“It is good to have an end to journey toward, but it is the journey that matters in the end.” ~Ursula Le Guin
The greater the disgust the greater the challenge; the greater the challenge the greater the liberation. The lasting feel-better-about-yourself feeling is not from the accomplishment of ridding yourself of that ‘thing’ that you have labeled ‘disgusting’—that's the thing you journey toward. The lasting feel-better-about-yourself feeling arises from what you learn about yourself along the way that allows you to be more loving, conscious and wise—being liberated from a way you have operated in your life that was not fruitful. Now that’s an achievement!
If you haven’t discovered something profoundly inhibiting about yourself along the way and changed it, you likely won’t be able to maintain the external change. Unless you are a control freak, the weight you lost will eventually creep back on, you’ll gradually find more and more creative excuses to miss the gym, the clutter will pile up again, you may no longer drink but are now addicted to carbs instead, etc. etc. Either the same dysfunction settles back in or you shuffle it around.
Why?
Because it was never about the weight, your physique, the clutter, or about becoming a control freak…
For example:
If you hit the ground running toward accomplishment but kick yourself with disgust every time you lose ground, eventually you’ll give up on yourself. Even logical, right? If a desire to delete feeling disgusted-with-yourself is your motivation, and your self-talk along the way is to kick yourself when you slip up, it can only serve to make you feel more disgusted about yourself than when you started.
What is amiss with this operating system?
The nature of your self-talk.
When you no longer need that ‘thing’—to lose weight, get organized, get in shape—to avoid your own self-talk, is when that ‘thing’ is more likely to happen.
So why do some resolutions fail while others stick?
Because the weight, the clutter, the debt, etc. are just physical manifestations indicating that something is amiss with your operating system. Accomplishing their turnaround is wonderful but the achievements that stick are the ones that come with an upgraded OS.
Now that you’ve taken the wonder out of why you lose your momentum, what TO do?
Changing the nature of your self-talk is a great start. It is even a great New Year’s Resolution!
Challenging resolutions can be more complex and case sensitive. The good news is that in addition to individual sessions I am gathering a group of enthusiastic individuals who want to see a resolution through amongst the company of those who are similarly invested. I experienced the value of group work myself when working on my book. Being amongst those who were passionate about a project kept me focused, on track and supported. It provided me with a bridge from where I was to where I wanted to be. The rewards were far reaching. If you've been looking for a guided, accelerated, personal/spiritual growth program involving individual work or a blending of individual and group work please email trish@trishwhynot.com or call 978.314.4545.
Make 2014 your best year!
Let me know if I can be of assistance!
Friends in this Love,
Dr. Trish
