Love or a Call for Love?

Love or a Call for Love?

 “A Course in Miracles” talks about how everything people do is either love or a call for love and that a call for love can only be heard by someone who is loving. This is definitely a concept I want to share with you and reinforce in me. 

Some people’s calls for love can be, what I refer to as, tall orders to love, for us. How so? You might be wondering. 

A story that comes to mind is one where my daughter was young and needed to be hospitalized. We were in a room with 6 beds. 3 on each side. Children would come and go but there was one little girl, my daughter’s age, who had been there before us and was still there. When the mother was out of the room the other parents would complain about her tone with the nurses. (I'm being kind) I didn’t know what was wrong with her daughter. There was nothing obvious but there seemed to be something more serious than the other children’s conditions. 

I liked to sew at the time. I had been making these cute stuffed clowns so I brought one for her daughter. Later in our stay I was walking down the hall toward the room when the mom approached me to ask why I was so nice to her when everyone else wanted them out of there.

I wasn’t doing this work back then so this concept is helping me put words to the experience. I saw a woman who was struggling. Her rudeness bounced off of me. I heard her call for love and responded. I didn’t need to tell myself that how she snapped at the nurses shouldn’t bother me. It just didn’t. It triggered compassion.

This was a tall order to love for the parents who were complaining about the mom. They took her behavior personally. They made it about them. They didn’t know it was revealing a wound in them. Their wound prevented them from hearing the call for love and sending some her way. A call for love can only be heard by someone who is loving. 

You could argue that it’s never okay to be rude. Or that the parents of the sick girl should have announced to everyone that their daughter wasn’t doing well and then maybe the group would have been more kind. Or we could know that her behavior was a call for love because no one who feels good about themselves goes around being demanding.

If we find ourselves complaining rather than offering love to someone in need it’s revealing a wound that is within our power to heal. Tall orders to love, when accepted, leave us with an increased capacity to love others and to receive love. Blaming others for how we feel can only serve to render us more snappy.

I’m pretty confident that I’m the only one from that group who knows that the little girl passed away a couple weeks later and that she was moved to a quieter, more private room for her last days. 

I can’t say that I have never made someone bad and wrong when triggered rather than go the extra mile it takes to offer love. Like the other parents, there were times when I didn't know there was another way to work with my feelings. Fortunately there's always room for forgiveness, growth and humble pie.

No one who feels all good about themselves would go around being rude toward others. If we don’t have a wound, we won’t take being hissed at personally. The rudeness will bounce off of us. Our thoughts might go toward wondering what else is going on in that person’s life to prompt such a reaction, or we may merely shrug and move on with our day. 

When you find yourself talking about someone’s rude behavior to friends, or thinking about it, or being critical of the other person, it’s revealing a wound in you. If there was no wound you wouldn’t find yourself revisiting the situation with scrutiny. And depending on the circumstances, you might think to extend love in some way, shape or form, as simply as wishing them a great rest of their day because clearly, the first part couldn’t have been so great.

I’m not condoning hurtful behavior, suggesting you dismiss your feelings, or necessarily suggesting sharing a meal with a hurtful person. I'm just helping you to see who’s got the power—power as in love. 

Rest in peace little Catie. Their behavior said nothing about you. Those other parents didn’t know how to get out of their own way to send love to you and your family. They were too busy calling for love themselves. 

I hope my story helps to explain this valuable concept.

Friends in this Love,

Trish

Comments

  1. Lee Petruk says:

    Thank you for a great lesson!

    Reply
    1. Trish Whynot says:

      You are most welcome and thank you for the feedback!

      Reply
  2. Mike says:

    Thank You !!

    Reply
    1. Trish Whynot says:

      You are welcome!

      Reply
  3. Phyllis says:

    Excellent, Patrish!

    Reply
    1. Trish Whynot says:

      Thanks Phyl!

      Reply
  4. Michele Poulin says:

    Trish , another read that makes you think .. thank you for sharing !

    Reply
    1. Trish Whynot says:

      Awesome news! I do my best, Michele! Thanks for the feedback!

      Reply
  5. Becky says:

    Wow............just wow.........you just explained sooo much. thank you...............

    b

    Reply
    1. Trish Whynot says:

      Glad you got a lot out of it Becky! You are most welcome and thank you for taking the time to comment!

      Reply
  6. Karen Cayer says:

    Beautiful. The teaching is profound reminder of the wounds we carry and how we act them out. I love your authentic story. Your shares are a gift. Thank you.

    Reply
    1. Trish Whynot says:

      Thank you Karen. Your words are so kind. It's always a pleasure hearing from you and I cherish your feedback. You are most welcome.

      Reply
  7. Jeanne Bohen says:

    Trish what a perfect story to illustrate this concept of love or a tall order to love. Your stories are powerful teaching tools and humbling. Thank you for bringing this awareness to life my friend.

    Reply
    1. Trish Whynot says:

      Thank you for your feedback Jeanne, and you are most welcome! I enjoy teaching with stories as an illustrated guide. I feel that it really brings the concept home. I'm glad you enjoy it too!

      Reply
  8. Karen King says:

    Thank you, Trish. This resonated with me deeply. Beautiful story.

    Reply
    1. Trish Whynot says:

      You are most welcome, Karen! I'm glad to hear that you benefited from my story. Thank you for commenting here!

      Reply
  9. Raeleen says:

    Yes! Thank you. I hear you loud and clear!

    Love and light, Raeleen

    Reply
    1. Trish Whynot says:

      Clean and clear is my goal! You're most welcome.

      Nice to see you here. Thanks for commenting!

      Trish

      Reply
  10. Scott Fuller says:

    Trish,

    Thanks for the thought-provoking, heart-poking (in a good way) read.

    And the humble pie!

    Scott

    Reply
    1. Trish Whynot says:

      Scott, thanks for letting me know that I've still got my touch! I've got to keep everyone on their toes.

      And humble pie is heart healthy!

      Thanks for taking the time to comment!

      Trish

      Reply
  11. Josephine says:

    Thanks for sharing this beautiful story! It sheds light on the many experiences I have had in my life that I could never understand at that moment!

    Reply
    1. Trish Whynot says:

      Josephine, you are most welcome. One of my favorite quotes is from Søren Kierkegaard, “Life can only be understood backwards, but it must be lived forwards.”

      Thank you for sharing how my story touched you!

      Reply
  12. Audra says:

    This story reminded me of a time, about 30 years ago, I worked at the University of Hawaii. I was employed as a Fiscal Officer in one of the Colleges. One of the Program Directors had a bad reputation for being super nasty. I remember always thinking to myself (although I was not doing this work either back then...or maybe I was and didn't know it), she is just angry and frustrated about something, but nothing to do with me.

    She often complained that her programs were presented as non-revenue generating. It seemed her position often came under scrutiny when there were talks of budget cuts. It took a lot of listening and researching fiscal processes and realigning fiscal reporting to find that she was in fact correct. It turned out her programs were very profitable. The previous Fiscal Officer had reflected her programs as always being in the red, which made her super frustrated

    I worked at the College for 6 years. By the end of that time period, we had become good friends.

    It is interesting to reflect back on the story and time in life.

    It is also interesting to reflect on how I was able to see her pain, and have been able to see pain in other people, but not be able to see and accept it in my family members.

    Reply
    1. Trish Whynot says:

      Thanks for sharing your story with us, Audra. Sometimes people come into our life to practice with in preparation for the more challenging relationships, like family. Family can be more challenging because we have more history. The greater the challenge the greater the liberation. Stay the course with love!

      Reply

Comments are closed.