Happy New Year! I opted for a quiet New Year’s Eve this year. A lot has happened in the last week, so catching up with myself seemed like the best plan.
If you know me, you know that I am good at finding opportunities in life’s obstacles. So last night I lit a fire, did some stream of consciousness writing, and today I’m connecting the dots.
The day after Christmas I was attacked by a dog. I’ll spare you the photos, just know I came home bleeding, bruised, shaken, and in need of a new coat. (no stitches needed)
Once my physical wounds were tended to, I asked my higher self, “What the heck?” I try so hard to be a good person. I felt kicked when I was down. The attack felt unprovoked. The quote about bad things happening to good people crossed my thoughts. I really don’t like that quote.
When I seek understanding, then I let it go, like fairy dust. Sometimes the answers come right away and sometimes they unfold over time. So many thoughts emerged from my curiosity, so much healing took place. This one story stood out to share.
This is the 3rd holiday season without the love of my life. Our 45th wedding anniversary was this month as well. That loss truly changed things for me. My 9-year-old granddaughter nailed it when she said, “Grammie, 
you miss Grampie the most because you were with him the most.”
Thoughts of my father also streamed into my consciousness. He had been an angry griever. I got the brunt of it after my mother’s passing. His words to me were sometimes biting and unprovoked, much like this dog. He had been with my mother for 64 years. They had moved into assisted living when he couldn’t care for her dementia on his own anymore. She passed 5 months later. He had lost his independence, his partner in life and was trying to learn a new way at 90. It was a lot. I told him I couldn’t imagine what it was like to be 90 and going through all those changes.
During times like this I often think of the scene in Avatar where Neytiri says to Jake, “I see you.” So important. I also let my father know that the way he was treating me was not okay, that I couldn't take it anymore, and that talking with a professional could help. At 90 years old my father went to therapy. Confronting his anger took courage.
Now, here I was, post dog attack, finding myself asking myself, “Am I an angry griever?” “Is that why I could see it so clearly in my dad?”
There were a couple times this past year where my family did things that raised my hackles to the point of me blowing my top. In hindsight my frustration had been more than the situation should have warranted because there was more there. Much like my father. UGH! So humbling. Sometimes life can only be understood backwards.
Today I was able to validate myself, like I had validated my dad. Being with someone for more than 2/3rds of your life and then having them gone and trying to juggle both roles is a lot. That doesn’t condone my behavior any more than it did my dad’s or the dog’s, but as Thich Nhat Hanh said, “Understanding is Love’s other name.”
Behavior is information about how someone is feeling. Anger is sometimes a call for help. Getting angry at someone for being angry (even with your thoughts) isn’t helpful, it just evokes their defensiveness.
A call for help can only be heard by someone who is loving. I had to process my frustration with my dad before I could “see” him and offer help. When I caught myself biting I took it seriously. I heeded my call for help and scheduled some therapy sessions. Sometimes Love calls for us to go that extra mile in either direction.
This dog attack proved to be rich, rich with opportunity for learning, healing and growth. And not that I’d ever want to go through it again. Let me make that crystal clear. It’s rich through the lens of opportunity on a spiritual level—spiritual meaning Love.
There is so much anger being unleashed in our country right now. If you are annoyed with angry people, that counts as anger too. Grieving is not just for funerals. There's a grieving process that accompanies people getting married or changing jobs. Anger is just one of the stages. Some linger in a stage longer than others. I
hope these reflections from my dog attack help with your process.
We don’t know what’s going on with someone who bites. And not to condone their behavior, but to wish them well because no one who feels good about themselves goes around showing their teeth—they are showing that they are not well. They are calling for help, sometimes be it primitively. Biting back reveals where you are not well and calling for help. Talking smack about a grieving person won't make you feel better. If you've tried it you know. Love them well, and yourself too, at a safe distance. To my dad, I can imagine more of his anguish now that I’ve lost my partner. And to my family, my sincerest apology and it does come with correction. It didn't feel good to me either.
The day following the dog attack I felt inspired to make this dragonfly in the snow. I am moving into 2026 a bit more humbled and healed, lighter and softer and understanding biting and getting bit on a whole new level. It feels great. How about you? Is there something you'd like to look at through a different lens so you can feel better too? Let me know. Our world needs more Neytiri's.
Friends in this Love,
Trish
It’s so easy to believe that 1. Grief is linear & we can just check off the stages & get back to “normal.”
2. Grief only happens when someone dies.
I appreciate the reminder that grief is an ongoing, non-linear process that helps us integrate change.
I find myself in an unofficial, unnamed stage of grief lately: community building.
Perhaps that is the third grief trap, that we think we must navigate it alone. I appreciate you being open & vulnerable in sharing your reflections with this community.
Together, we can support each other, lift each other & rise.
Bree,
Thanks so much for sharing your takeaways.
"Together, we can support each other, lift each other & rise." Cheers to that!
I'm grateful to have you as part of my community!
Trish , I found your story a thinker .. I understand anger from people you live and who live you .. my dad was a difficult man as well , spoke whatever he thought .. but he never realized the hurt and pain and sadness he caused others . Yet we knew somehow he loved us .. I also don’t like that saying why do bad things happen to good people I say to myself why not we’re no more special than the next person. I think their lessons to be learned when we go through trials and tribulations, and as you say, we may not understand them right away it may be a process at some point we will God‘s timing is perfect.. thank you for your insight in the story. I hope you’re healed from your wound of the dog bite. If there’s anything I can do let me know. The ice is safe. We should venture out and go for a walk on it. I go around the two islands every day with the dogs.
Awesome! My goal is to get people thinking. And your comment got me thinking. As adults we often let the hurtful behavior continue. It has become a habit. Sometimes we have to forgive ourselves for not being strong enough to say, "No," or realizing that we could. I know plenty of people who have wrestled with that, myself included. Give that self a big hug. She was afraid. Let her know that you see her and love her. She's been waiting for you. I think you giving your younger self the love and understanding she always deserved will bring peace to your dad too.
Thank you for your vulnerability. We all can learn from it.
Happy New Year xo
Hi Trish,
Your blog touched me as I can give you a connection for your anger and grief. I also had a difficult Dad with those same traits. So I find my anger creep in especially when I'm not grounded . With prayer, hope and love we will prevail.
Sending healing and love to you. ????
Thank you, Sue. It's always nice to hear when people can relate. When our desire is to prevail we will be guided in that direction, even if it takes a dog bite to get us there. I'm beginning to think that I took it for the team. I'm okay with that. Happy to share what I'm learning and how I'm humbled. :)
Thank you for sharing too.
Happy New Year!
Hi Trish and Happy New Year,
First, I’d like to start that I’m so sorry this dog attack happened to you and that you’re physically doing OK.
However, only you in your infinite wisdom can turn a traumatic situation into a learning tool.
This story comes to me at the perfect moment, as I just yesterday encountered a situation I was trying to understand.
My Aunt, my Dad’s younger sister and only surviving relative of that generation lost her husband of 60 years this past June.
They had a loving and very happy marriage, though did suffer the tragedy of losing a Daughter to meningitis at age 7.
She has been sharing stories of family and I’ve been sharing pictures of my new granddaughter, who just turned 3 months old.
Yesterday my cousin, my dads older sisters daughter, who is like a sister to me, because we grew up together in the same multi family house until I was 6, invited us all to her house for a Luncheon.
My aunt, who has 2 daughters, was invited and they initially were excited about meeting our newest family member, but last week after Christmas decided it was too much and chose not to come.
Of course there was disappointment, because my cousin planned this exclusively so my aunt could meet her newest niece, but of course we respected their decision without cause.
My aunt explained to my cousin, her whole life she’s taken care of everyone else’s needs after suffering many losses and it was time for her to honor her own grief in her own way.
The past 5 years since Covid she literally was housebound caring for her immunocompromised husband, but she wouldn’t have had it any other way.
So though I have respect for her feelings, I also felt a sense of disappointment that she wasn’t able to bring herself to the table, so to speak, for what felt like a happy family gathering.
I will continue to share the blessing of my new granddaughter with her, because it does bring her joy, but I will do it on her terms, for when she’s ready.
Thank you for your insight and I feel so blessed to have crossed paths with you, so many years ago, in our little space of healing ~
Thank you, Rita. And thanks for sharing your story. I'm glad to hear that my words brought you some comfort through understanding, and so happy to hear that you will continue to share your granddaughter with your aunt as she navigates her grieving journey. It shows that you "see" her with grace. Beautiful. She will appreciate it more than you know.
I had lots of loving invitations from friends that I declined after Doug passed. He was such a big part of my traveling and I just wasn't ready to address all the emotion that would bring up for me. One step at a time.
I am grateful our paths crossed as well.
Enjoy being a grandmother! It's the best!
Wow I feel this was written for me lol
Thank you,
Deana
Glad to know so many people can relate and are finding this helpful.
Thanks for commenting, Deana.
Happy New Year!
Trish
Hi Trish, well i got the flu! by 10am i had a 102 fever! Today is Jan 3 and I'm still not recovered and very very tired.I cant work,did not see my mom or my friends...i was in bed in pain the whole time...and very very angry...christmas was the worst night ever. I couldnt sleep because of the coughing from post nasal drip (there was 5 nights like that)..i was so angry at walt, who was not very sympathetic and my nephew who gave it to me...then left to go home...he recovered quickly. Anyway still trying to work this out i also feel i went down that path even when i didnt want to...i guess i needed the rest. this feels like this was written for me.
Hi Eileen,
Well, I'm glad you are finding my writing helpful at least. From what I hear there are some nasty sicknesses going around. Take care of yourself and do some journaling if you can. Flush those toxins.
Thank you for your sharing.
Friends in this Love,
Trish