This is one of my favorite stories for explaining how our beliefs affect our reality. I originally shared this story in 2012 and feel that it's worth a re-share as an illustration of a concept I want to remember.
“You walk in the atmosphere of your own believing.”~Rev. Willard Fuller
One of my clients, we'll call her Sandra, was working on changing her "not good enough" belief to "I am equally and uniquely valuable." During the transition she had—what I thought was—the coolest experience and gave me permission to share.
Sandra wanted to try out a new restaurant. She didn't need to. It was just a pure desire. She brought it up to her husband, Steve, but he wasn’t interested so she let it go.
A few days later Steve mentions that his adult daughter (from a previous marriage) is interested in trying out the restaurant and that she has made reservations for the 4 of them. (daughter and husband and Sandra and Steve)
Sandra was a bit put out by Steve's announcement as her comment to him implied. "Well, I guess in the future if I want to do something, I should run it through your daughter."
How about you?
Were you put out for Sandra?
Or happy that she’s getting to try out the restaurant?
Underneath Sandra's anger she felt hurt because Steve had denied her request and agreed to his
daughter's. Sandra's not good enough button had been pushed.
I asked if she had a good time at the restaurant. Her response, "We had a blast!"
Sandra had shared the not good enough version of this story but I saw a completely different story because I see Sandra as equally and uniquely valuable.
My story, to Sandra, went something like this. You had a pure desire to try out a new restaurant. Steve wasn't interested so you dropped it but your higher self didn't. It ingeniously brought the idea to Steve through his daughter. He agreed to go and you all had a great time.
Because I haven't talked with Steve, I don't know where he was coming from. It could have been that he had a full stomach when Sandra asked him. I know the last thing I want to talk about is food when I'm full. It could have been that hearing about the restaurant from a second source caused it to pique his interest. Or it could have been that he has trouble saying no to his daughter. But one thing I know for certain is that Steve's "No" to Sandra said nothing about her value.
Sandra was in awe of the contrasting stories describing the same situation. The feelings that cascaded from each version were contrasting as well. The not good enough version made Sandra want to throw in the towel on life, while the equally and uniquely valuable version made her want to run towards it with arms open.
"Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you." (Matthew 
7:7) You can find all kinds of evidence to support either story. What would you choose?
- If you came to Sandra's defense, a not good enough belief may be holding you back.
- Try looking at a frustrating situation of your own from the I am equally and uniquely valuable perspective and see what happens.
Friends in this Love,
Dr. Trish
Morning Trish,
I just went through this with a friend. I am with Sandra on this one. But….I did go by myself and enjoyed a dinner with a stranger, someone else dining solo. Their loss, my gain.
Jean
Hi Jean,
Thanks for sharing. I'm glad to hear that you had a happy ending as well. I see you as equally and uniquely valuable too!
Friends in this Love,
Trish
Great read. It’s so hard to agree with this perspective while it’s true you have to also think about your relationship. If you don’t pour into your relationship and devote to it, it gets old. The kids will leave one day and you’re left with??? It’s not always ALL about them- biological ones and/or non biological ones. Again it’s not as easy as it seems I have been on the receiving end of this and no matter what it’s hard!
Glad you enjoyed my writing. Thank you for taking time to comment. The undoing of our old way of thinking definitely takes effort but the rewards are far reaching. Sometimes in relationships we are called to go the extra mile that love calls for. Not everyone knows how to do that which is why I have been sharing these valuable concepts this year. Sessions are always eye opening.
Wishing you all the best,
Trish
Recently I went to a mini-high school reunion....7 classmates, plus two spouses. The reunion was 3 days/3 nights. I decided to stay one night and return home the next morning. My classmates tried to convince me to attend the excursion and then go home. However, the excursion was a 3 hour round trip drive, plus two more hours to drive home, which would have meant driving home in the dark; I really did not want to do that. One of the spouses insisted that they could do all the driving to/from the excursion, all I had to do was drive home. My classmate (wife of the spouse, also one of my best friends in high school, but now over weight and immobile, so uses a scooter in lieu of walking) chimed in immediately and said, let's not create any stress for her, let her stick with her plan. At the time, I was so grateful that she supported me. Later (after re-reading your blog and trying to think of when I might have been Sandra), I thought to myself, I could have taken her comments personally and thought she didn't want me to stay. But thank goodness I didn't, I just stuck with the belief that she was supportive and we will get to see each other at the next reunion. Which, by the way, I have already committed to attend for the entire duration of the reunion.
Thanks for commenting, Audra!
You didn't have a wound in this area so you didn't even think to take it personally. When we don't have a wound things just bounce off of us. We expect to be supported. If there is a wound it will be revealed by taking a comment personally. We will get defensive in our thoughts, words or actions. And when a proverbial wound is 'healed' things will bounce off us that would have penetrated previously. That is the beauty and power of healing on a mental, emotional and spiritual level.
Thank you for this valuable story.
Friends in this Love,
Trish