A Good Team: A Thanksgiving Story

Thanksgiving is one of my favorite holidays because it is a day that celebrates gratitude. I tried to write something in honor of the day, but nothing was coming to me so I trusted that the timing wasn’t right.

Sometimes I like to review an experience so I can learn from it. That goes for ‘good’ experiences as well as ‘bad,’ because I look at good and bad as judgments. I believe it’s all value all the time and for that I can be grateful.

Last night I felt a call to revisit my morning and, lo and behold, it unfolded into my Thanksgiving Story. In case you don’t know, here’s a little backstory: Doug was the love of my life for more than 40 years. He crossed over 3 years ago. He would tell you that he is still the love of my life to this day, and I would have to agree. I was devastated when he passed. It certainly wasn't what we had pictured, but that didn't make it bad, it just wasn't what we had pictured.

I started my Thanksgiving Day by having coffee with Doug. It is interesting to have coffee with someone who has crossed over. It felt awkward when I first started doing it. I didn’t grow up with this as a custom. It just came to me. 

Early on, I confided in a Buddhist friend who grew up with offerings to Buddha because initially I wrestled with feeling like I was ‘wasting’ food. She assured me that I could drink the coffee afterwards or toss it and that an offering was never a waste. New practices are always awkward at first, don’t you think? Not because they are bad, but because they are new. And old practices are often comfortable because they are familiar, not always because they are helpful.

I lit a candle, poured 2 cups of coffee, sat across the table with a pen and journal, and talked about what came to mind. 

One of the things I love about our chats is how Doug gently corrects me when I speak like a victim. I still have an ego; he no longer does. I found myself thinking about the upcoming drive to my sister-in-law's, alone. I expressed my gratitude for the times we used to drive to whoever was hosting the holidays together. His response, “We still can.”

When I speak of him in past tense, like saying, “We used to…” or “We were...,” he reminds me that he still is, therefore, we can still be. The form has just changed. I believe life is eternal. Coffee with Doug forces me to put that belief into practice. When I speak of him in past tense it has the essence of me saying, “Poor me, I am alone now,” the victim. It leaves me in longing. Our egos never want us to be happy. They are sly and talk a good talk. Thanks Doug, for gently busting mine with Truth. It’s okay to give yourself a “Poor baby” every now and then. Believe me, I've given myself a bunch over the last 3 years. Losing someone you love is a huge adjustment so if you need a "Poor baby," I've got you. We just don’t want to camp there.

After our coffee I took the pups for a walk. At one point I looked up at the sky through the trees and asked him, “Are you here with us?”

His response was, “Always.”

That word was filled with an incredible warmth. I could feel it in my heart.

Could it be my higher self who is speaking to me? Jesus, perhaps? None of them have an ego. The information I receive is always comforting, humbling, loving, and wise, so does it matter? I don’t think so.

I once read that if we could see everything that is around us there would be no fear. I’d like to believe this to be true. 

I’m working on transcending my ego (what I have come to call my voice for fear) and consistently aligning with Love, but I’m not fully there yet. I think it’s a lifelong pursuit. Doug gently shines a light on my ego when it arises. I am able to pay what I am learning forward with my clients. I find it heartwarming to think that our love lives on in this way. 

I’ve used our stories over the years as teaching tools for relationship issues. Before he passed I remember him saying, “I have resigned myself to the fact that to be with you I will be talked about and written about, and I’m okay with that.” He was/is definitely a good sport.

We are a good team in a new form with new stories to share. Sharing these stories feels awkward because it’s still new, but I’m receiving encouragement from friends, clients and readers, which is really helpful.  

I am grateful to Doug for helping to keep me aligned with Love. It’s a tall order. I am also grateful to all of you who have enjoyed my stories and encouraged me to share. 

From my reflection, I came away with the thought that those who cross over are always with us. I don't believe that they go away if we don’t engage them. They don’t have egos so they don’t need our recognition to stick around, and they don’t feel bad when we ignore them. That would be ego’s interpretation. And maybe it's that their passing brings us closer to Truth, to Love, to All that is Holy. 

I hope my story inspires you to revisit something you have experienced and to see it in a new light. And if you are in the "Poor baby" stage, you've got one from me. Just don't camp there. 

Happy Thanksgiving!

Friends in this Love,

Trish