Stephanie sent me a text a few months back:“Just needing some core strengthening from you!” What a great description of what we do in a session. To follow are a couple subtle yet powerful examples of how core strengthening works.
Frank was sharing his story of how his boss can be rude when appointing tasks. He had realized his tendency to push back when asked in this way—sometimes by delaying the task and sometimes by doing it his own way rather than the way he had been instructed. He was proud to have realized his own iniquity, which is definitely honorable and a core strength. He shared how he had made a conscious choice to stop pushing back and how the result had been not only that he had felt better about himself but that his boss had actually complimented him on his work, which had never happened before.
The things that irritate us most in others are most often the things we don’t like about ourselves. Frank’s pushing back had been rude too. Change yourself and what the other person does will stop triggering you. This is another core strength.
This got me to thinking about a client I worked with who had experienced a similar situation and had a different kind of healing.
Cindy’s boss used to say, “I need you to do XYZ.” The term “need” would send Cindy through the roof. As a rule, when emotions are triggered, only about 10-20% are from the current situation and the other 80-90% are old stuff that the current situation has brought to the surface to be revisited. So we explored when else Cindy had been asked to do something in this way. What came up was a time in her childhood when her brother had been seriously ill. She and her other siblings had 'needed' to step up with chores to free up their parents to take her brother to doctor’s appointments and for long hospital stays.
During this period of her brother’s illness the term, “need,” had been used a lot and not very kindly because her parents were in distress. Cindy did not have the emotional maturity to fully understand what was going on at the time so she took the treatment she received very personally. In a guided meditation we worked on releasing a lot of emotion she had stored from this period rather than put it all on her boss. Based on her history it was no wonder that this term had sent her through the roof.
Next time I saw Cindy she was so excited to share a story. She told me how her boss had asked her to do something the way he always has, using the term “need,” and that she had just done it. She hadn’t even thought to be triggered. In her excitement she had even told her boss, “Do you realize that you just used the word, “need” and it didn’t bother me! I just did what you told me!” He did not understand the magnitude of accomplishment this shift held for Cindy, but we did. “Congratulations! You’ve arrived,” was my response to her story. There was no longer anything there to trigger. She didn’t have to control her feelings, get her boss to change, push back, dread going to work anymore or quit her job.
It was within Cindy’s power to change the circumstances by changing her response to them. Rather than react to her boss, Cindy was learning to respond to her feelings. This is another core strength. She had used her emotions to flush out a bunch of old wounds rather than add this set of circumstances to the pile. The world WAS in perfect order. She had gone from being frustrated with her boss to grateful. He hadn’t been using the term “need” to anger or hurt her. That’s just the way he spoke and it was just what Cindy needed in order to re-visit some unfinished business from her past and to bring learning, healing and growth into her future. These she could thrive on.
Real strength is born of humility—having the courage to admit when you are bothered and knowing how to use your feelings to lighten your past, illuminate your present, and brighten your future.
Awareness is the first step toward healing. Once aware, we can do a little soul searching to discover the heart of the matter. This was an empowerment issue for Cindy and for Frank. They were both giving their power to their bosses initially. As an alchemist turns base metals into gold they turned their frustration into love and gratitude by learning to respond to their feelings and heal when tempted to react and judge. “Need” isn’t always the most productive term, and neither is rudeness particularly effective, but that’s for their bosses' journeys, not Cindy’s or Frank’s. Judging, blaming and condemning won’t get to the heart of the matter because the heart is in yourself. Empowerment strengthens you at the core by increasing your capacity to love and consequently attract love. Think about how far reaching these rewards have the potential to travel, not to mention how great it feels to be in command of your life and to experience it as being of service to you!
Wishing you a happy, healthy and thriving 2019!
When you're ready for some core strengthening you know where to find me!
Friends in this Love,