Ooooh That Zen

Ooooh That Zen

This morning I was cutting back my daisies that had gone past. I suppose I could have done it earlier but I just think there is something zen about allowing a flower to run its course. Some might see the latter stages as unsightly; I was even curious about the prospect myself. You might look at my garden and wonder … untended? But I just saw the dying as a part of the cycle of life that has me curious this year. Maybe next year I’ll cut my daisies back earlier? Who knows?

During my cutting I inquired of the garden, “Why did I wait?” The answer came when I sat down at our wicker patio set on our deck to write. I lost a dear friend to cancer last month. I went to see her in Hospice a few days before she passed. She had been in the withering stage much like my daisies and it hadn't all sunk in yet. The zen message of my daisy-care was, “It’s time to let death touch you.”

Over the past 4 years I have been gifted with the opportunity to witness my friend, Donna—much like my daisies—complete a cycle.

Interesting that when Donna passed daisies were just peaking on that stretch of Route 93 from exits 1-5. My favorite time of year to drive that stretch. The daisies I am referring to are the wild ones; not the Shasta variety. Leave it to Donna to drop such a rich and breathtaking reminder for me.

Donna was who you thought of when someone would use the term, strong woman. I remember being in the kitchen at our lake house 4 years ago, when I received her call from the hospital saying that they were testing for cancer. It was the first time that she had looked to me for strength. She was not one to panic. On the outside, at least, she appeared to always have it together. She was scared. So was I.

What touched me the most was how Donna’s diagnosis cracked her open, much like a germinating seed. And how she let it. It was a sacred honor to watch her gradually and delicately unravel her old version of strength, which was in what she could do, what she thought she knew and how much she could endure.

Donna could knit like nobody’s business. Her unraveling was akin to taking out old stitches from a pattern that no longer worked for her. Once those old stitches were removed she set forth to knit a most elegant scarf of real strength and humility—the naked truth, love and beauty that was genuinely Donna.

Remember germinating bean sprouts in elementary school? You put the hard seed between layers of moist paper towel (simulating a spring thaw) and watched it soften, crack open, send a root downward and a shoot upward.

With that old version of strength—ask me, I know all about it—we hold everything in. It hardens us over time. Maybe we get our roots and our shoots confused or we get tangled up in the affairs of others as my daisies had gotten tangled up amongst the stems of my black-eyed Susans?

I saw Donna’s thawing as her re-evaluation of what she was doing and why. It was inspiring for me to watch her question herself and hand back her ‘shoulds’ (those things we do or don’t do when in fear) to their rightful owners with tenderness, humility, faith, trust and courage. All the qualities it takes to undo who we have become and how we have become entangled when in the face of fear.

I would describe the growth of Donna’s new roots as the strengthening of her connection with herself and her Source. Now that time was of the essence I witnessed Donna becoming best friends with it. I watched her retire what drained her and adopt what energized her.  Luxury became necessity. “No” rolled off her tongue with greater ease. I not only respected, but admired her for it.

We didn’t see each other all that often so when she would talk about the new choices she was making and insights she was having, the transformation I saw in her no longer baffled me. Despite the fact that her health was progressively deteriorating, Donna appeared more radiant each time I saw her. The veil that had shrouded her spirit was thinning. She appeared to be standing taller. She was quieter but said more. She was more delicate yet stronger in spirit. She was the budding of pure love and strength, reaching for the sun and stars just like a daisy.

The center of a daisy is symbolic of the sun, and the petals, rays of light radiating out from it. I observed Donna as one would observe a daisy blooming over the span of 4 years. Each time I saw her a new petal or two of who she was becoming would have burst forth. There was purity, humility, tenderness, faith, beauty, honesty, vulnerability, femininity, compassion, integrity, trust, wisdom, charity, patience. During those 4 years I watched Donna sometimes painstakingly and sometimes breathtakingly come into her true feminine power.

Wild daisies, as a rule, don’t have a thick stem or deep roots. A heavy rain and strong wind will knock them over but that doesn’t prevent them from continuing with their cycle. They are resilient and tenacious like Donna. They do what it takes to reach for the sun—even if their stems must twist, gnarl and become entangled to get there. 

Donna even withered with elegance, humility and dignity. There was something refreshing about how she came to question, with curiosity, the motives and actions of those around her rather than claiming to know. 

Donna may have gotten twisted, gnarled and entangled in order to survive. Don’t we all, to one degree or another? But I’d have to say that from diagnosis to death Donna was given the chance to thrive (at least in spirit) and she did it with a beauty, tenacity and grace that I will never ever forget.

Everyone who touches us becomes a part of who we are today. So how do I want to honor Donna? By putting into practice what I learned from her.

For starters:

  • to become best friends with time.
  • to bring my ‘shoulds’ into full view so that I can retire them with grace, humility and faith in a better plan.
  • to endure, not by sucking up my feelings but by using what is given me as a fresh start and another chance to blossom.

I’m not sure if it’s possible to give up all the things we do out of fear and still be human, but Donna inspired me to try.

Donna, I wish I could have shared all this with you when you were here but that hawk that flew by at eye level about 10 feet in front of me while I was sitting on our deck writing this says, “I hear ya!” Love you, Donna! Thank you! xoxo

And I thought I was 'just' going to cut back some daisies this morning.

I should know by now, there is no such thing as ‘just’ when it comes to the garden.

Ooooh that Zen!

Friends in this Love,

Trish

Comments

  1. Georgia

    Such beauty in your writing, your love for a friend and the caring of your garden. Much love to you dear one, Earth Angel, mystic and teacher that you are.

    Reply
    1. Trish Whynot

      Thank you Georgia! <3

      Reply
    2. Susi Marrotte

      A year ago Monday, my mother took her last breath. The afternoon before she passed I saw a beautiful iridescent orb floating at the foot of her bed. It was moving and swirling, very large, about the size of a circular mirror. I knew, time was of essence when I saw this orb. Daisies remind me of the beautiful bright aura surrounding a person's face when they have reached their time of fulfillment here on 3-D Earth. Thank you for this beautiful story...I really enjoyed your symbolism...Peace and joy, Susi

      Reply
      1. Trish Whynot

        Thanks for sharing your story Susi!

        Reply
  2. Lara Oliveira says:

    As always Trish, I find some enlightenment in your precious words. I have to stop and think and that makes those words ever so much more valuable to me and to my life. I thank you and love you for that.....

    Reply
    1. Trish Whynot

      Thank you Lara!

      Reply
  3. Dianne Chalifour

    Beautiful words Trish, and honoring of your friend. I love how you take life in. I couldn't help notice too, how much your story resonates with the Divine Feminine Archetype "The Queen of Death" (dying to the old, so that a new can be reborn). It is the archetype we will enter into tonight in my class. My first go round with this archetype at least a year ago, i was afraid and wanted to skip this one. I hung in there and confronted myself and have grown from doing so. I'm looking forward to going deeper now. Your story is so timely for me, as the Archetypes always "show up" during the two week period we visit them. And more so, the ones that really resonate with where we are at, show up the most obvious..... i would say this is a strong presence which has been showing up for days. I am excited to shed old ways and get deeper to my own truth within! Like your brave friend, and the daisies that will seed back to Mother Earth. And one more thing, your story also brought back the flooding memories of my brothers dying process. He survived a diagnosis for 13 years, and within that time, he learned to truly live and embrace life. His disease, to me, was a gift, to die to his old ways, and be reborn before death. It was beautiful to witness actually. Thank you for sharing <3

    Reply
    1. Trish Whynot

      Thanks for sharing your wisdom and personal experience, Dianne. xo

      Reply
  4. Cherune says:

    Thank you for such beautiful insight into what so many see as great loss. I have been fortunate that two of my friends who have been fighting cancer have come through to still be with me. But I notice with each of them there is no sadness in their lives anymore they are forever smiling, happy, thrilled to see the coming day. One on her birthday last week took a sailboat out alone, her arm still wrapped after the surgery. It seems something in the horror of cancer, brings out the that inner beauty of women.

    Reply
    1. Trish Whynot

      So much for us to learn from them, isn't there, Cherune?

      Reply
  5. Nina says:

    Beautiful Dr. T! So sorry for your loss. :( Gentle hugs coming your way. xo

    Reply
    1. Trish Whynot

      Thank you, Nina.

      Reply
  6. Deana says:

    Thank you for sharing! Your writing touched my heart. xo Deana

    Reply
    1. Trish Whynot

      I'm glad. Thanks Deana! xo

      Reply
  7. Cynthia Morin says:

    beautiful tribute to your friend!

    I am reminded all the time of this.

    Our angels are always there to remind us--if we take the time to recognize it.

    Reply
    1. Trish Whynot

      Thanks for taking the time to comment, Cynthia!

      Reply
  8. Laurie LeBlanc says:

    As someone who witnessed this time in Donna's life as well, your writing is beautiful and poignant and describes all Donna went through and all Donna was far better than I could even process it all. Just beautiful.

    Reply
    1. Trish Whynot

      Thank you for commenting, Laurie. Glad you found it helpful.

      Reply
  9. Peter Torvi says:

    I have been keeping track of email coming into Donna's account. She ran the house business and now I stumble to try to keep up. I am so glad I read through this email. It doesn't seem real that she is gone from this life. She was a flower that I had the honor to know and cherish. So much unfinished business so little time.

    Thank you so much for writing this and remembering Donna.

    Reply
    1. Trish Whynot

      You are most welcome, Peter. Wishing you and your family healing and peace.

      Trish

      Reply
  10. Helen

    Your insight and use of words is always a treat to read. Thank you for sharing about your friend and the gifts that came to you today. Now we are all able to share that gift too. xo

    Reply
    1. Trish

      Thanks for commenting, Helen!

      There are lots of other comments that I can't get up on the site for some reason. Working on that with my web person!

      Reply
  11. Krysta ONeill says:

    Beautiful tribute and message. Perfect timing as I retire my shoulds with grace.

    Thank you as always!

    xo

    Reply
    1. Trish Whynot

      Lead on Krysta! :)

      Reply
  12. JoAnne Young says:

    Awwww..sooo touching! May Donna Be peaceful and free!! You are the only person I have ever known who can see life's tragedy's as the gifts and blessings that they are meant to be...I am so grateful to know you!! <3

    Reply
    1. Trish Whynot

      Thank you JoAnne! That means a lot. xo

      Reply

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