Valentine’s Day is one of my favorite holidays because it celebrates love and I’m all about that. I think of love as a spiritual term and integrity as its personal growth equivalent. It’s a great time to review past relationships. The ones you find to be still haunting you likely harbor missed growth opportunities. Good news is it's never to late to grow.
Sometimes what the ego has judged as a mismatch is seen as a perfect match by the Big Love upstairs. Doesn’t that make you curious?
When you hold back to spare someone’s feelings it’s not loving or integritous—it’s manipulative. And manipulation is born of fear. So what are you afraid of when you lie to spare someone’s feelings? Let’s be honest at least and call the kettle black. It’s safe here. Are you afraid they will abandon you? Hurt you? Be angry at you? What you fear is likely to happen when you manipulate because each step toward preventing what you don’t want usually takes you one step closer to it manifesting. It might not happen exactly how you picture but what you focus on expands so it’s much more productive to confront your fear than manipulate.
I don’t know about you but I loathe being manipulated. Good luck to the person who is reckless with my heart in that way. Me finding out that I’ve been manipulated is not pretty. If someone manipulates me because they are afraid I will be mad at them for being honest, mad is exactly what they will get. It feels like it’s not even my choice to be mad when it happens and I despise feeling mad so that makes it even worse. Can you relate? And I’m not proud to say it but I’ve manipulated too in moments when I’ve been afraid and either haven't had a chance to process it first, haven't been aware that processing was even an option or haven't been fully conscious of my fear. Being manipulated is a boundary violation and anger is often a heads up that boundaries have been violated. Well, isn't being on the receiving end humbling and sometimes you don't know what you have put out there until it comes back. Wisdom is born of experience.
For Valentine’s Day this year I plan on purchasing a dozen roses and handing them out to all the people I meet (until I run out) in honor of the human experience. I want to look at everyone I encounter this Valentine’s Day (and everyday really) as beautiful, forgivable and worthy of love. And I desire that too. Loving someone well is easier said than done but it is the best feeling ever.
So my Valentine’s Day challenge for you is to acknowledge someone who you believe is hard to love with an integritous Happy Valentine’s Day greeting… and maybe even with a rose. After all the prickly ones are the ones who need love most. Let’s get out of our own way this Valentine's Day and see through people’s behavior to the person who struggles sometimes beneath, just like us. Rather than condemn them for not being perfect and triggering your feelings, don't make it about you this time. Give them the benefit of the doubt and give them love and see what happens. Your feelings are worthy of attention too, just save it for another day. And if you feel the urge to erupt? I know it's an awful feeling. I can help you process that. And the manipulating part too. They go hand in hand.
I believe in you and I see you… ya you! The person beneath the behavior. I won’t always like your behavior and you won’t always like mine, but I will always love you. And I’ll know I have arrived when I am no longer triggered to the point of erupting by certain people. That's a day on my bucket list I look forward to. I think I'm humbly on my way and if it's on your bucket list, I'm confident that I can help you get there too.
Happy Valentine's Day Friends!
Here's your rose! Cheers to the human experience! I hope you make it a humble one.