You have probably heard the question, "Do you want to be right or do you want to be happy?" It appears as a quandary at first. But when you understand that you will find all kinds of information to back whatever you believe, it starts to make sense. The decision really is, "Do you want to be right, based on what you believe, or do you want to be happy?"
A client gave me permission to share her story, which demonstrates how this works.
Cassandra and her family were visiting Paris. Their plan for this day was to go sightseeing. She wanted to take the train but her husband was concerned that they would get lost so he was pushing for an Uber. In Cassandra’s defense the train was cheaper and faster than driving with traffic, as well as it being part of the Parisian experience. In Gabe’s defense, an Uber would quell his fears and concerns. Cassandra gave in as she often does. "Story of my life," she said to the friend they were traveling with.
But then the concierge came into the picture. He asked how he could be of service. Gabe told him that they needed an Uber. The concierge asked where they were going and suggested the train. Gabe stated that the Uber would be easier but the concierge insisted that the train was right there, that it was easy to navigate and gave them instructions. Gabe conceded and they took the train, but Cassandra couldn’t be happy about it.
Cassandra was stuck on confirming the story she told herself about her life—her story that she never gets her way. In her eyes Gabe not only always gets his way but he also says, “Yes” to others, as he had done with the concierge, and “No” to her. This was revealing of a “less than” belief she had been unaware that she had about herself.
I saw a different story because I don’t see Cassandra as “less than.” I saw that she had a desire to ride the train in Paris and that the idea scared Gabe so she let it go, but Universal Intelligence did not. It brought the idea around again, but this time through the concierge. Before she knew it, Gabe's fear had been quelled and she had gotten her wish.
Gabe’s resistance said nothing about Cassandra’s value but can you see how she might feel that way based on her reaction?
Being “right” in Cassandra’s case would have been confirming the belief that she is “less than” in her husband’s eyes, which wasn’t even true. Being happy involved acknowledging that God had her back and ingeniously found a way to present the train ride so that Gabe could feel relaxed with the idea as well. Universal Intelligence’s plan is always a win-win. I would describe this unfolding as not only ingenious but miraculous.
It’s so easy to dismiss a miracle, without even realizing it, when we are taking a situation personally. Inferior beliefs are good like that. When deep into a belief it appears to be truth until someone else—who doesn't share that belief—lets you know what they see. When in that "right" place we can’t be sensitive to the other person’s fears or happy they have overcome them either. We are just annoyed because our plan didn't work out with us getting our way, which, in our minds, would have liberated us from that limiting belief and made us happy. Not! True happiness doesn't work that way.
When you have a pure desire—free-of-fear—such as Cassandra's, Universal Intelligence can help others to get on the same page as you, as long as it's in their best interests too. Overcoming Gabe's fear was in his best interest. Since it didn't happen in Cassandra's time or on her terms, it was easy for her ego to push away the fact that she got what her heart really wanted—for them both to feel confident in the decision.
The ego is happy to be “right,” sometimes by succeeding at getting its way at another's expense or by affirming that it never gets its way, but can you see how affirming these aggressive or passive versions of a false belief will never bring you genuine happiness? How can you genuinely be happy at the expense of another or at your own expense?
Think of a time when you have felt similarly to Cassandra and ask yourself:
What must I believe to have had that reaction?
I hope this story helps you see how you can get stuck in your own negativity sometimes when trying to be right. The ego is ingenious at finding ways to push away love. Thank you to my client who so generously gave me permission to share so we could all learn something about happiness.
Friends in this Love,