"No one changes unless they want to. Not if you beg them. Not if you shame them. Not if you use reason, emotion or tough love. There’s only one thing that makes someone change: their own realization that they need to do it. And there is only one time it will happen: when they decide they are ready." ~Unknown
This is such great wisdom!
It's so tempting to flip out when you don’t like someone’s behavior. And anger is certainly appropriate when your boundaries have been violated. But trying to change someone so we can keep them in our lives never works. Even when you think you've succeeded, those changes never stick because the only changes that stick are the changes we make for ourselves.
Don't be fooled by someone who promises to change for you either. That is often manipulative behavior. Let them show you that they are changing regardless (or you show them that you have changed)—by investing in some type of therapy, for example. That says that they are serious. Because if they had what it took to change they wouldn't be exhibiting the behavior that would benefit from changing in the first place. And when you change you will no longer be hurting and, depending on the circumstances, may even no longer be on the receiving end. True change can deepen intimacy like nothing else. (Last week's episode of Grey's Anatomy even confirms it)
Talk is cheap. Actions speak louder than words. I know it can be tough but pray for their happiness and get some help for yourself. That's love.
It takes two to tango.
Friends in this Love,
Dr. Trish
If you'd like to explore this further you can reach Dr. Trish at trish@trishwhynot.com.
