Ready To Crack? Tantrums Aren't Just For Kids

Ready to Crack? Tantrums Aren't Just For Kids

There are times when I even want to throw in the towel on life. Sometimes it’s just not going the way I pictured and I just want to be like a little kid and have a temper tantrum.

When I feel this way it reminds me of a client who came to me several years back. We’ll call him Dan and his daughter Emily for confidentiality’s sake. Dan was at this ‘breaking point’ because his 8 year-old daughter was having tantrums. He was angry, distraught and embarrassed over it. His shaming and punishment tactics were failing miserably and he wanted me to advise him on how to get Emily to stop.

After pleading his case I said to him compassionately, “Aren’t you jealous?”

This question pulled him right out of his “poor me” mentality.

“What?” he said.

“Don’t you wish you could get down on the floor and kick your feet and pound your fists sometimes like your daughter?”

Dan was speechless.

“I highly recommend it.” I spoke assuredly even though I knew he’d likely initially think I was nuts.

A tantrum is like cracking open an egg from the inside. I do teach my clients to stomp, spit and snort a little more accountably, maturely and productively than they did as children but just as authentically. Dan and Emily had been butting heads. Dan had been holding all his emotion in in the guise of maturity while Emily had been letting hers all hang out--opposite sides of the same coin. Once he gave himself permission to try a tantrum we did it in a guided meditation as part of the process. Busting out meditatively provided him with access to some opportunities for learning, healing and growth that were not visible from inside the egg.

From outside of his shell Dan could see what he did have the power to change, what there was to learn, and how he was contributing. He was in a rich place—rich with opportunities for learning, healing and growth. He was being dismissive of his feelings and Emily’s and Emily was being dismissive of his requests. Changing his dismissiveness mentality was something he could work with.

Dan had been utilizing his anger to crush Emily’s shell with shame and punishment in his effort to feel better. He wasn’t aware that he could utilize his feelings as fuel for busting out of his own shell first, focus on what he realizes he does have the power to change second and provide his daughter with a safe environment for breaking out of her shell third.

 It was impossible for Dan to have compassion for Emily when he was taking her behavior personally. From inside of his egg Dan can’t see that Emily’s behavior is indicative of struggle, nor that his original tactics of shame and punishment were crushing her shell rather than providing her with the safe nurturing environment she needed for a breakthrough.

How you deal with an encounter is much different from outside of the egg than it is from inside it. If you’ve been trying to hold it all together and it hasn’t been working, it may be beneficial to distance yourself from the person who has been egging you on while you go through your process, especially if your previous mode for maintaining the relationship was to silently suffer in an effort to keep your eggs together. The more overdue the egg the thicker the shell and the tougher it is to break through. You may need some assistance but it can be done. Let yourself fall apart in a safe, nurturing environment such as a counselor’s office.

When a breaking point is viewed as an awakening it is easier to run toward. You know that your tantrum is just what you have been asking for—the fodder necessary for cracking out of the egg you’ve found yourself stuck in—your ticket out of the darkness and into the light. And just like with a baby chick, you have to crack your egg yourself. The chick will die if his mother does it for him.

Children shift more easily than adults because they have a lot less baggage but if you remain true to your integrity and keep hatching your eggs you will eventually find yourself surrounded by those who consistently hatched their eggs and remained true to their integrity too.

“Never be afraid to fall apart because it is an opportunity to rebuild yourself the way you wish you had been all along.” ~Rae Smith

If you’re ready to crack or want some fodder send me an email trish@trishwhynot.com or visit me at ZuZu’s New Age Expo this Sunday from 10am-5pm at the Holiday Inn, Rte. 1 North in Peabody, MA.

Friends in this Love,

Dr. Trish

Comments

  1. Susi

    Great article Trish as always. I won't be at the expo as my mother is failing. Have a great day and I will pray for your success!

    Reply
    1. Trish

      Thanks Susi!

      Reply
  2. Joyce De Fazio says:

    Hello Trish,

    Just read "Ready To Crack" and I like the concept. you had me thinking of a particular person in my life. I will use this approach.

    Enjoyed your seminar at the July 14th Expo. Very informative and done with love.

    I am enjoying the "Why" book that I bought. So helpful and enlightening.

    Thank you, Blessings to you, Joyce

    Reply
    1. Trish Whynot

      Joyce,

      Thank you for coming up and introducing yourself after my talk. It was great to meet you!

      Enjoy the journey!

      Friends in this Love,

      Trish

      Reply

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