Marathon of Healing versus Venting

I expect to see crocuses and daffodils this time of year but a bomb at the height of the Boston Marathon? I have trouble wrapping my mind around the logic in that. The recent tragedies in CO and CT were devastating too but I have to admit that a tragedy that is close to home, literally or figuratively, has a different feel to it. My heart goes out to all affected by the Boston Marathon tragedy as well as the others. To those who are directly affected, do as you must. This post is directed to the rest of us who were affected and want to help—my version of distance healing you might say. And for those who feel their faith has been tested.

“We must not lose faith in humanity. Humanity is an ocean; if a few drops of the ocean are dirty, the ocean does not become dirty.” ~Gandhi

Such a great reminder even though that wasn't the faith I was referring to. When innocent people are hurt it certainly will stir up any dormant feelings we might have of being wronged. In our efforts to shake off the toxicity we may be tempted to cast stones at the perpetrators of the provoking tragedy, humanity in general or God. And I’m not saying that the perpetrators should not be held accountable. But to demand accountability, we must model it. Those who have been directly affected by the marathon bombing have enough on their plates without us projecting our unfinished business onto them.

So what to do with your pent up toxicity rather than unknowingly vent it to innocent bystanders in the guise of concern for the tragedy?

In my belief the accountable thing to do is to release it where it was created. Most folks aren't aware that on average only about 10-20% of what they feel is from the current situation and the other 80-90% is old stuff that got stirred up. Since describing how to do that, which is what I would walk someone through in a series of counseling sessions, is a bit much for me to explain in a blog post, let me just say that getting your toxicity out meditatively by going to a safe place in nature, drawing a circle that is about 4 or 5 feet in diameter, stepping into it and having a good “I’ve been wronged” tantrum to let it all hang out there is a great start.

Better to detonate your bomb (build up of emotional energy) here than affect innocent bystanders with venting and/or passive aggressive behavior like the bombers. If you find intensity there it may be time for some professional help to resolve it. Tragedy is tragic, but if we can utilize it to positively change the course of our lives and in turn the lives of others, at least it doesn’t have to be completely in vain.

There is so much that we do not have the power to change. When we focus there it can only serve to throw us into hopelessness, helplessness and despair. But there is plenty we do have the power to change too. Just because one person or group tries to pollute our ocean doesn’t mean that we have to follow suit by venting. We can utilize that same situation as a homeopathic remedy—as fuel for an overdue clean up of our microcosmic oceans. It never hurts to be a little more mindful. Whenever I address a situation in this way it always increases my faith and trust in my Higher Power. In my belief my Higher Power doesn’t create tragedy but will help me turn it toward the good when healing is my desire. 

Coming together in tragedy is great. Combine it with choosing healing, in this case accountability for our feelings over venting and it can change the world. Venting is tempting. I'm not going to lie. Developing a more accountable way for addressing our feelings takes effort. But you have a choice. What will you choose? And if you do choose to vent, at least ask before you drop your proverbial bomb. 

To paraphrase the Dalai Lama XIV... Do not let the behavior of others destroy your inner peace, rather, let them deepen your capacity for it instead. 

Friends in this Love,

Dr. Trish