Valentine’s Day is one of my favorite holidays because it celebrates love and love is my favorite subject! I find it to be powerful, the only way to go and easier said than done at times. Lord knows I’ve had my share of hard knocks when it comes to loving. But when I make the time it takes—and sometimes get the help I need—to learn, heal and forgive, I find myself on the other side filled with gratitude. That doesn’t mean that I would want to go through a similarly painful event ever again or even necessarily have lunch with that person who I felt hurt by (depending on the circumstances). But forgiveness always leaves me grateful for what I have learned about love, how I have healed and who I have become because of it all. That’s the kind of growth that continues throughout adulthood!
I’m in one of those situations where forgiveness has been challenging me right now. I’ve been wrestling with it on and off for a while and the coming of Valentine’s Day reminded me of my absence of closure. I’ve kept my distance to allow my feelings to settle to a manageable point and maybe, in part, to avoid them too. But now I’m ready to face the fact that I’m still triggered, explore why and finally let it go. A melted heart is a happy heart.
I’m not one to just permanently separate from others as a solution. That’s not real strength to me. And I’m not saying that it may not be best for helping you to cool down or in the end, but I let ‘Life’ take care of those details. Real strength, to me, is born of humility. It is about having the courage to admit when I am bothered and using those feelings to heal my past, illuminate my present and brighten my future.
It is tempting to blame when we feel like a victim, I’m not going to lie. And the other person may truly be a Debbie Downer, but I find it more valuable to explore how we might be unknowingly similar. There’s usually an ego bust involved on occasions such as these. You can go into your arrogance and separate as your solution. This strengthens your ego. But when someone busts your ego I always say, “Finish the job,” because your ego doesn’t want you to experience love. Your ego uses everything that happens to you to make you miserable. A hardened heart is not a happy heart.
Your spirit, on the other hand, will use every morsel of what happens to you to make you happy. This weekend in meditation I admitted my most recent trigger to my higher self, asked what this trigger was showing me about myself and that final piece that I needed for forgiveness to be complete was revealed. From there I could forgive myself for times when my own past ignorance and arrogance led me to discord, express forgiveness and gratitude for the mirror reflection provided by that friend and release it all to the big Love upstairs. Now it’s time to let Life / God / the Universe take care of the rest. This most recent trigger was just what I needed to tie the knot on forgiveness. I look forward to the unfolding of my life in whatever direction it takes me from here. I’m not even going to pretend I know what’s best because that’s exactly what got me in trouble.
This morning in my reading I came across this beautiful passage in A Course in Miracles that confirmed to me that I’m on the right track.
“The holiest of all the spots on earth is where an ancient hatred has become a present love. … What hatred has released to love becomes the brightest light in Heaven’s radiance. And all the lights in Heaven brighter grow, in gratitude for what has been restored.”
My reflections on love provided by the coming of Valentine’s Day reminded me that all I have to do is finish the job of busting my ego and choose forgiveness for my heart to melt where it has been frozen and for my spirit to soar once again.
Our greatest challenges lead to our greatest liberation.
Happy Valentine’s Day with much love!
For more on Forgiveness you might want to read chapter 4 of my book: Have I Forgiven? 8 Checkpoints on the Journey